Local Music

10 Questions Interview - Joey Gorman by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

Welcome to FWN's 10 Questions Interview. We are pleased to have our favorite rock and roll fighter pilot Joey Gorman (Joe Gorgeous, The Longshots) join us today. 

Be sure to catch Joe Gorgeous live 6/23 at FW's newest venue, Main at SouthSide and in Dallas the 26th at Armoury, DE. --LB

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Joey Gorman doing Joey Gorman things - Photo courtesy of Joey Gorman, Photo by John Erwin

Joey Gorman doing Joey Gorman things - Photo courtesy of Joey Gorman, Photo by John Erwin

1) With which creatures do you share quarters?

JG: The ones that once were and shall be again

2) Most likely Pop Culture Alien Overlord?

JG: Taylor Swift? ...Jim Belushi. Definitely jim belushi

3) What can't you live without?

JG: Rock n Roll Coca Cola Love & Marijuana

4) Ultimate Morning-After Food?

JG: Quesadillas til tha day i die

5) Personal Symbol of Freedom?

JG:Minivan

 

6) Build a Bridge or Open a Door?

JG: Open the door, Hold the door for the Bridge Builder. Walk back outside.

7) Super Hero Alter Ego?

JG: Wayne Gretzky OR "Repo Man"

8) Underdog you Root for most?

JG: The Truth and/or Sanity

9) Given the choice to come back as any animal, which one would you choose?

JG: The Lobster

10) Most important individual with the initials MJ? Why?

JG:Mike Jones. Who?

Photo courtesy of Joey Gorman

Photo courtesy of Joey Gorman

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about the word writer person:

Lyle Brooks sometimes exists as The Flashbulb (IG:@flashbulbtx). Among a plethora of other cool things & happenings, Lyle has fetched water for John Cale, made copies for Morton Subotnick and once lit Jim Jarmusch's cigarette out in front of a Merzbow show. He has eaten Mexican food with Fungi Girls and Italian food with Yells at Eels and documented them both. Tho his vision comes and goes, we are pleased to report his ears are in working order

10 Questions Interview - Jacob Furr by Lyle Brooks

Welcome to FWN's 10 Questions Interview. We are honored to have Singer-Songwriter and Synthesizer aficionado, Jacob Furr join us today. 

Last year's brilliant Sierra Madre is available for sale online for 5$ as well as 2014's breathtaking debut, Trails & Traces. --LB

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Photo Courtesy of Jacob Furr

Photo Courtesy of Jacob Furr

1) With which creatures do you share quarters?

JF: Sadie, my princess pup.

2) Most likely Pop Culture Alien Overlord?  

JF: Ted Nugent.

3) What can't you live without?

JF: New Balance tennis shoes and air conditioning.

4) Ultimate Morning-After Food?

JF: Waffles.

5) Personal Symbol of Freedom?

JF: My car.

Jacob Furr performing the single, Falling Stars from his full-length record Trails & Traces. Download the song and find more at: jacobfurr.bandcamp.com

6) Build a Bridge or Open a Door?

JF: Door. Bridges are a lot of work I've heard. Ain't nobody got time for that.

7) Super Hero Alter Ego?

JF: I'm a batman man myself man.

8. Underdog you Root for most?

JF: The '96 Texas Rangers

9) Given the choice to come back as any animal, which one would you choose?

JF: Dog. Definitely a dog. Who has a better life than dogs?

10) Most important individual with the initials MJ?

JF: Mike Judge.

Photo Courtesy of Jacob Furr

Photo Courtesy of Jacob Furr

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about the word writer person:

Lyle Brooks sometimes exists as The Flashbulb (IG:@flashbulbtx). Among a plethora of other cool things & happenings, Lyle has fetched water for John Cale, made copies for Morton Subotnick and once lit Jim Jarmusch's cigarette out in front of a Merzbow show. He has eaten Mexican food with Fungi Girls and Italian food with Yells at Eels and documented them both. Tho his vision comes and goes, we are pleased to report his ears are in working order

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: I Like This Song - Jeremiah Jackson's "I Declare" by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

I Like This Song celebrates songs by local bands sans clichéd music journo over-analysis.

The furthest we take the dissection of songs featured here is, well, you guessed it: "I Like This Song." 

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Good luck finding today's featured song anywhere but here!

That's right, Waco-based Jeremiah Jackson's forthcoming single "I Declare" isn't scheduled to be released until June 24th!!! So yea, you're welcome Fort Worthians!

Catch JJ next Saturday, May 27th at Division Brewing in Arlington with Signals & Alibis + FWN interviewees The Phantom Sensation

Music starts at 9pm, full event details posted here.

Show Poster courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Design by Patrick Saikin

Show Poster courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Design by Patrick Saikin

Photo courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Photo Credit: Mary Shoemaker

Photo courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Photo Credit: Mary Shoemaker

As a former college student that spent years in undeclared purgatory, I truly appreciate the assertive nature of this song. Right from the jump "I Declare" melts faces with galactic Blues guitar riffage layered over an energetic punk rock rhythm section that inspires movement.

In fact, FWN hereby proposes the following nickname for Jeremiah Jackson: Punky Bluester! 

*Dad jokes aside (*not yet, I got one more left in me), we want to congratulate JJ for producing FWN's official Song of Summer and wish them all the best on their upcoming TX/LA tour (check out the awesomely designed tour poster below). 

Without further ado, time to give the people what they want and break this song down FWN-style:

By virtue of the authority vested in me, I declare this song to be ... likable!

Tour Poster courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Album & Tour Poster Art by Matt Ragan

Tour Poster courtesy of Jeremiah Jackson - Album & Tour Poster Art by Matt Ragan

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”

Drummer's Circle: Valenti "Funk" Thomas Talks Solo Record, His Love For Drums & Piano by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

We here at FWN are honored to have Valenti "Funk" Thomas join us today.

One of the Metroplex's most talented drummers (The Effinays, Ronnie Heart) slides into a pair of composer/producer shoes for his newly remastered LP Valenti, due out June 7th via Thomas' own record label Clear Zebra.

You can pre-order your copy of Valenti today on Amazon.

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Image courtesy of Valenti - Photo Credit: Dennis Webb Jr. 

Image courtesy of Valenti - Photo Credit: Dennis Webb Jr. 

1.      Okay, first off, how in the world do you manage to pull off keys and drums simultaneously? I’m barely capable of halfway yelling backup vocals while drumming much less what you’re able to achieve on your new record Valenti. Is it just a matter of practice, or, without giving away secrets of the trade, what techniques have you developed to make this possible?

V: I grew up playing drums first and then picked up the piano thanks to there being an upright piano at my grandmother’s house.  When I play just they keys, I find myself playing all the bass notes/lines with my left hand and playing chords with my right hand.  When I play them both simultaneously, I have the keyboard set up to my right and play chords and solos which leaves my left hand free for hi-hat and snare work.  I enjoy doing them both at the same time, and it’s a neat party trick (lol).  On my album, I tracked drums, keys and bass guitar (and some rhythm guitar on “More Light”) separately and save the simultaneous drumming and keyboard playing for live shows.

2.    Do you play drums barefoot or with shoes on? If with shoes, what are your "go-to" drumming shoes brand-wise or genre-wise (skate shoes, combat boots, flip-flops, etc.)  

V: That all depends on which band I have a show with.  When I’m playing with The Effinays, I like to wear my Pumas (any one of my many pairs, they all feel like comfy ankle socks).  When I’m jamming with Ronnie Heart, I’m usually suited up and wearing some nice, comfortable dress shoes.    

3.    Double kick pedal ever or nah? 

V: I’m a fan of the single kick pedal.  BUT, I do love seeing a drummer who is very skilled at the double kick/bass perform.

4.      I’ve seen you do your thing as part of The Effinays, how long have you been doing that? I ask because I actually played on a bill with The Effinays back around ’09 in Denton when Bowling For Soup’s Chris Burney was hosting a fucked up version of American Idol. I can’t remember if you were part of the lineup at the time but y’all def. won that competition!

V: Ah neat!  That may have been right before I came aboard.  I joined the band roughly around 2010.  I initially came on as a fill in drummer and that transitioned to a permanent role.  I knew of The Effinays and had numerous conversations with the bass player, Pan Blanco (we use to chat about UFO’s and religion a lot…true story lol) before I joined the band.  I was in a band called People’s Army during The Effinays early years and it seemed that we were always doing shows together.

5.      Speaking of The Effinays, in the advance copy of Valenti we spotted Joe “Big Spook” Martinez in the album credits. How was that experience different for both of you in terms of the songwriting/recording process? What I mean to say is, was it different from producing Effinay songs given this is your personal project or was the process familiar given your strong rapport with Martinez?  

V: Both songs featuring Big Spook (Joe Martinez) are definitely “Effinays material”.  The process was pretty much the same.  Big Spook usually writes the lyrics while the band comes up with the music portion of a song.  I wrote the lyrics for “More Light”, while the “Party Fiesta” lyrics were written by him.  Fun Fact: Joe came to the studio with his composition book ready to record the lyrics he had written for “Party Fiesta”.  They were good lyrics, BUT not what I was looking for or what I was accustomed to coming from him.  With that being said, I then asked him to freestyle the whole thing. And BOOM!  There you have what you hear on “Party Fiesta”.

Album Cover Art for  Valenti  courtesy of Valenti - Art By: iamshaun.com

Album Cover Art for Valenti courtesy of Valenti - Art By: iamshaun.com

6.    Favorite brand of drumsticks? 

V: I always enjoy a nice, fresh pair of Vic Firth’s, Peter Erskine’s (ball).

7.      On the album I love that right out of the gate you pay homage to your hometown by titling the lead track “Irving/Bear Creek, Texas.” I grew up a hop & skip away in Euless, so I know the area well. How has growing up there influenced your music today?

V: Being raised in Irving/Bear Creek, TX didn’t really influence me musically, but since day one, the community and my former classmates (LOVE you guys!) have always been a big supporter of me and my musical endeavors.  So, every chance I get, I want to mention Irving and/or Bear Creek, TX as a “thank you” for all of their support.

8.    List your three favorite drummers (not necessarily which ones you think are the best, but the ones you like the most, that have influenced your music the most).

V: I grew up listening to Dave Weckl and Dennis Chambers.  I then got off into some John Blackwell (Prince).  There are also several great Dallas drummers that make me want to go home and practice as soon as I get done listening to them.

9.      How old were you when you first started playing music? Did you start on drums or perhaps another instrument? Drums still #1 in your heart or have keys and other elements crept up your rankings?     

V: I was around five when I started to play drums alongside my mother whom was the church pianist.  The drums will always be my 1st love, and then I would put piano at #2 and then bass guitar at #3.  Production and making beats would be a close #1.25 to the drums.  My love for music was before then though.  I can’t remember the exact age, but I recall when I was real young (car seat age), a day when I didn’t want to leave the car until the song I was listening to was done.  If my memory serves me correctly, I vaguely remember that song being either “Good Times Bad Times” – Led Zeppelin or “Heavy” – The Beatles.  I sometimes get mistaken for an athlete, but I’ve always been a self-proclaimed band nerd and enjoy all things music (art related).

10.    Are you one of those drummers that never have a drum key handy or one of those kind that have like three of them on your keychain? Somewhere in-between?

V: In my younger years, I’ll admit I was that under prepared drummer who maybe had a drum key with him.  Now that I’m (supposedly lol) older and wiser, I tend to think like a boy scout and make sure that I’m prepared for any musical situation or equipment mishap.

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”

 

Lock Your Doors, Here Cometh Brainhole Fest by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

Brainhole Fest show poster - Image via Brainhole Fest FB Event Page

Brainhole Fest show poster - Image via Brainhole Fest FB Event Page

As we here at FWN shift gears from Fortress Festival back to the local scene we cherish so, let's turn our attention to this weekend and the awesomeness that is Brainhole Fest.

Seriously, this is likely the largest collection of local talent ever assembled in one place. Sammy Kidd, he of local rock squad Mean Motor Scooter, stands as the guilty party responsible for all this fun.

The Fest starts this Friday at Lola's where it runs throughout the entire weekend.

$30 buys you a three-day pass at the door, or single-day tix can be purchased online right here. Full event details can be found here

This past December something caught my eye as I cruised along my FB feed... 

I have always been a fan of Mean Motor Scooter, so anything in their orbit and you can go ahead and consider me interested.

A couple of months went by and I had nearly forgotten about Brainhole Fest. Then this status bomb hit with a headline that read "3 Days. 30 Bands."

OMGeez folks, this Kidd don't play! 30 bands?!!? 

For those that know me, I did my fair share of booking back in the day, so believe me when I say that coordinating an event of this magnitude is quite the undertaking. Big-time kudos to Kidd and co. for pulling it off.

Pick up your 3-day pass when doors open Friday night at Lola's - Photo via Brainhole Fest FB Event Page

Pick up your 3-day pass when doors open Friday night at Lola's - Photo via Brainhole Fest FB Event Page

Brainhole Fest is an extension of Brainhole Tapes, a new record label recently started by Kidd. If you scope out their page you'll find this excerpt from their bio:

"Brainhole Tapes was founded by Sammy Kidd to establish a way for DFW artists to get their music heard."

At FWN we can completely relate to Kidd's intentions for the new label. We started this website to create another outlet for Fort Worth bands to be heard... period.

We are not paid for this, we do not write advertorials. Not familiar with advertorials you say?  

Now that you know the definition, maybe you will even be able to spot them out in the wild! 

Anywho, getting back on track here; we wanted to honor Kidd's cause at Brainhole Tapes by embedding a song from every single Brainhole Fest artist. This was the most direct approach we could think up to further Kidd's efforts + get you hype for the weekend's festivities.

Before we get to that, we'd like to give one final shout out to Kidd and everyone that's helped make this event happen.  

Enough of the chit-chattin' ... 

FWN Proudly Presents: The Brainhole Fest lineup in audio format !!!

Day 1 - Friday, May 5th

Jeremiah Jackson - 5pm

Signals and Alibis - 6pm

Better Now - 7pm

Hen and the Cocks - 8pm

Kyoto Lo-Fi -9pm

Bellringer - 10pm

The Sex RYNOS - 11pm

The Phantom Sensation - Midnight

Day 2 - Saturday, May 6th

Chillamundo (newly formed band, tunes coming out soon) - 2pm

Caliche Burnout - 3pm

The Confounded - 4pm

House Fire Syndrome - 5pm

The Infamists - 6pm

Dead Words - 7pm

Blands - 8pm

Telemegasounds - 9pm

Dead Mockingbirds - 10pm

I Happy Am - 11pm

Henry the Archer - Midnight

Day 3 - Sunday, May 7th

The Prof. Fuzz 63 - 2pm

Satellite Dream - 3pm

The Fibs - 4pm

Teenage Sexx - 5pm

VVOES - 6pm 

Dome Dwellers - 7pm

Picnic Lightning - 8pm

Loafers - 9pm

Sealion - 10pm

War Party - 11pm

Mean Motor Scooter - Midnight

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”

Gentle Reminder Letter: Record Store Day In The Fort by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

Image via RecordStoreDay.com's Press Release

Image via RecordStoreDay.com's Press Release

Dearest Fort Worthians,

We are writing you today as to remind all thee great citizens of our mighty metropolis(?) that there will be much party to be had this Saturday, April 22nd.

Mucho mucho party.  

Ya see, this Saturday is Record Store Day. According to the official Record Store Day website, 2017 marks the 10yr anniversary of Record Store Day.

In fact, RSD has grown so much since its inception, there are now stores from every continent participating (except Antarctica, 'cause penguins).

Enough with the history lesson, let's move on to the party(ies).

All of Saturday's events are free to attend and all feature insanely stacked lineups. 

Besides that, all these events take place during the day which means they provide one and all with a legitimate excuse to day drink!

Last but not least, it is imperative we citizens support our local record stores. They are the lifeblood of our scene. If anything, this Saturday represents a great opportunity to celebrate our record stores and their contribution to our community.

Now that we've performed our civic duty, time to let these parties speak for themselves. For more details, click the images below to link up with each event's Facebook page.

Regretfully yours, 

XoXo,

FWN

Doc's Records feat. Movie The Band, Steve Gnash, High Art, Heater, Beach Priest, Starbass 

Image via Doc's Records Facebook Page

Image via Doc's Records Facebook Page

Dreamy Life Records feat. Acid Carousel, Sealion, Son of Stan, Sub Sahara, War Party, Teenage Sexx, Loafers

Image via Dreamy Life Records Facebook Page

Image via Dreamy Life Records Facebook Page

Chief Records feat. Audry Oliver, Jason Eady, Tommy Hooker, Joe Savage, Holland K. Smith, Jackie Darlene, Michael Lee

Image via Chief Records Facebook Page

Image via Chief Records Facebook Page

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), Prairie Schooner (University of Nebraska Press) and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”

I Like This Song - The Fibs' "Carbon Monoxide" by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

I Like This Song celebrates songs by local bands sans clichéd music journo over-analysis.

The furthest we take the dissection of songs featured here is, well, you guessed it: "I Like This Song." 

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Released by Dreamy Soundz Records -- Music recorded & produced by Jennifer Rux at Dreamy Soundz -- Video produced by the Fibs

Today's featured song comes from The FibsHex Hex Hex, a Dreamy Soundz EP that debuted in 2014.

The Fibs are primed to perform tomorrow night at The Boiled Owl Tavern with fellow Dreamy Lifers Alex and Maria + out-of-towners Boketto The Wolf (NY).

Music starts at 9pm, full event details posted here.

The Fibs in action - Photo Credit - Prewitt Scott-Jackson

The Fibs in action - Photo Credit - Prewitt Scott-Jackson

If you get the feeling you recognize the above photo of Fibs' guitarist/vocalist Preston Newberry it's because I took said photo and have since plastered it gratuitously all across Fort Worth Noise's social media platforms.

Just fyi, for your future reference and all: double foot pedal magic tricks always have a home here at FWN. 

Btw, I passed on a Bandcamp or Soundcloud embed today and opted for this kick-ass diy music vid produced by The Fibs. Gaw lee y'all(!), if you wanna take yer eyes on a visual vacay we highly rec watching the viddy yo in its entirety.     

Enough of all that, time to break this song down Dad-joke style...

The band may be called The Fibs but I ain't fibbin' when I say, "I like this song."

The Fibs' album artwork for  Hex Hex Hex -  Image via Dreamy Soundz Bandcamp

The Fibs' album artwork for Hex Hex Hex - Image via Dreamy Soundz Bandcamp

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), Prairie Schooner (University of Nebraska Press) and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand."

I Like This Song - Smokey Mirror's "Killin' Floor" by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

I Like This Song celebrates songs by local bands sans clichéd music journo over-analysis.

The furthest we take the dissection of songs featured here is, well, you guessed it: "I Like This Song." 

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Having made its debut this past Thursday via Smokey Mirror's self-titled EP, today's featured song "Killin' Floor" couldn't be much hotter off the press 

And now I'm going to take a short moment to admire Smokey Mirror's album artwork ... 

Holy PB&J Batman! Somebody's magic with ink:

Image via Smokey Mirror's Bandcamp Page

Image via Smokey Mirror's Bandcamp Page

Btw Smokey Mirror plays the Boiled Owl tomorrow night w/ local haze champions Fogg. To round out the bill, Colorado's Cloud Catcher journeys to D/FW for the first time. Show starts at 9pm, full event details posted here.

After zero deliberation, our board of directors (okay, so it's just me) unanimously voted to approve this song. The subsequent press release shall soon be circulated to local and national media outlets. 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 

FORT WORTH NOISE LIKES A SONG

Fort Worth, Texas - March 13, 2017 - Dallas band Smokey Mirror recently wrote, recorded and released a kick ass rock 'n' roll song. Tomorrow night the band plays a show in Fort Worth at The Boiled Owl Tavern.

Pseudo local music writer Prewitt Scott-Jackson likes songs for a living. Here are his thoughts on the song:

"I like this song," Scott-Jackson quipped. 

And??

"And nothing. I like this song."

For more info on this story contact: Prewitt Scott-Jackson - fortworthnoise@gmail.com - Tarrant County Jail (most likely) - 350 W Belknap St., Fort Worth, TX 76102 - +1 817.FWN.RULZ

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Image via Smokey Mirror's Facebook Page

Image via Smokey Mirror's Facebook Page

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), Prairie Schooner (University of Nebraska Press) and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”

The Most Kick Ass Rock ‘n’ Roll Band In All The Realms by Prewitt Scott-Jackson

...In the middle-Oughts, local Fort Worth band Fucked Up Birthmark took the world by storm, seemingly overnight. And while their ascent is often overly-romanticized by local music media types, the true story of Fucked Up Birthmark is much less romantic.

Right out of a college I was freelance writing for anyone that would have me. One day I responded to a Craigslist ad in which an obscure local band ultimately hired me as their personal biographer. Not sure why. They were good, don't get me wrong, it's just, why a local band needed a biographer was beyond me.

Anyhow, today.. today I will tell you the true story of Fucked Up Birthmark. I know the real story. I know it, because I was there.

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"Tartini's Dream," by Louis-Leopold Boilly 

"Tartini's Dream," by Louis-Leopold Boilly 

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Lead Singer pouts, “We’re stuck, we’re headin’ nowhere except Nowhere Town. Damn, guess that makes me the Mayor of Nowhere Town?! And you fucks? Well, you’re like the City Council members or something.”

Lead Guitarist argues with Lead Singer; personality-wise, he’s Lead Singer-lite: “Then do something about it! And hey, don’t disrespect the office; I’m the Comptroller of Nowhere Town.”

Bassist does not care, he stares at his shoes.

Drummer quietly chimes in, “I have an idea.”

 

[Nobody listens to the drummer]

[Arguing]

[#AllTheArguing]

 

Drummer finally screams out above the noise:

“WE STAGE A SATANIC RITUAL IN THE WOODS NEAR THE PARK IN WHICH WE SELL OUR SOULS TO SATAN FOR ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.

WE HAVE ANONYMOUS CALLER DIAL THE POLICE AND REPORT A DISTURBANCE SO THAT WE ARE ARRESTED.

THAT SAME ANONYMOUS CALLER PLACES CALLS TO LOCAL MEDIA OUTLETS SHORTLY THEREAFTER.

SAID LOCAL OUTLET PUBLISHES ARTICLE THAT GOES VIRAL WITH HEADLINE THAT READS: LOCAL BAND LITERALLY SOLD THEIR SOULS TO SATAN FOR ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.

WE BECOME THE MOST BADASS BAND ON THE PLANET RECEIVING INSTA-FAME AND MILLIONS OF SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS.”

 

[Silence]

[Extended silence]

[Awkwardly long hella extended silence]

 

Lead Singer becomes the first lead singer in music history to endorse somebody else’s idea, “DUDE! That is the best fucking idea I have ever heard of!”

Preparations are made. Drummer (of course) performs all the research necessary to make the ritual viable, to preserve the alibi. They choose a place just outside the park’s boundaries and decide that midnight reasons to be the most optimal time. 

 

Midnight arrives.

The band dons traditional Satanist robes that Drummer procured from Etsy user SatanicClothing.

Black candles are lit. Silver chalice filled with wine.

Drummer begins by invoking the Four Crowned Princes of Hell. Next he recites the following invocation to Satan himself:

“In the name of Satan, Almighty and Impenetrable, Ruler of the Earth, I invite the Forces of Darkness to bestow their scorching power upon us and transform us into the most kick ass rock ‘n’ roll band in all the realms. Open the Gates of Hell, come forth and greet us as your brothers.”

 

Meanwhile, the band’s merch dude had placed anonymous calls to both the police and the media.

The bandmates each take a drink from the hoary chalice. In unison, they chant, “HAIL SATAN!”

 

Numerous flashlight beams pierce through the trees. The leaves crackle beneath black combat boots as the police cite the entire band for trespassing.

A single iPhone flashlight soon follows. The leaves crackle beneath a pair of worn out Tevas as a college newspaper reporter interviews the entire band.

 

The next day the article hits and as predicted, it goes viral. I’m talking like Zika and Ebola fajita meat wrapped up in a The Plague tortilla kind of viral.

At band practice later that evening Lead Singer celebrates, “Can you believe it fellas? We did it! Mostly I did it, but we fucking did it guys! We’re famous!”

Lead Guitarist only slightly disagrees with Lead Singer, “Well actually, the drummer did it, but yes, we are famous as fuck!”

Bassist still does not care; he stares at the Pabst Blue Ribbon-stained rug.

Drummer however, he looks concerned … tremendously concerned.

 

Lead Singer is put upon at the sight of this particular #drummerface, “What’s up with you bro? You did it! We are the number one trending topic on Twitter. We sold over 300,000 records in one day! What gives?”

“We’re going to Hell.”

“What? We’re Nones, you don’t seriously believe that shit?”

“It worked.”

“Yea, I know it worked. That’s what we’re saying!”

“No, YOU listen to what I’M saying. My research, it was TOO good. The ritual, it really worked.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“Earlier today I jammed on my electro kit, ya know, just messin’ with the usual warm up stuff for practice. Then, like a flash, I started pulling off all kinds of gnar gnar hand-foot combos and blast beats … WITH dynamics!”

“Say that again but this time in English not dork-a-tron drummer-speak.”

“Fuck it, just listen. Hey Bassist, play that crazy bridge section from track 3.”

Bassist not only crushes that crazy bridge section from track 3, he marches straight passed it moving seamlessly into a 5-minute long bass solo surpassing JPJ-level bass playing brilliance.

 

[Silence]

[Extended silence]

[Awkwardly long hella extended silence]

 

Lead singer gravely concedes, “We’re going to Hell dudes. We’re going to Hell."

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about the word writer person:

Prewitt Scott-Jackson writes Dad poetry & short fiction when he's not hyping and typing for Fort Worth Noise. His writing can be found in Ghost City Press (New York), Five 2 One Magazine (Los Angeles), Prairie Schooner (University of Nebraska Press) and Sick Lit Magazine (Texas), among others. He prefers short walks on the beach because – and I quote – “It’s really hard to walk on sand.”